Chapter 7 - Despair--Then A Dream of Heaven

I returned to the house, and tried to clean it up as best as I could from the results of the flood. Dr. Adair said I could bring my wife and the babies home, so I tried to make the place as comfortable as possible for them. I fought a hard battle to save them, sent to Louisville for a specialist... It was just useless; they were too far gone. But I'm sure my wife didn't know this at the time. She was brave all the way through. We returned her to the hospital so she could get the right kind of treatment. Nothing would do any good. We took an X-ray and found tuberculosis creeping deeper and deeper into her lungs.

Called To Bedside Of Dying Wife

One day they called me from work... (I was working, trying to get out of debt. I had to go hundreds of dollars into debt.)... I was told, "If you want to see your wife alive, you'd better come now!" I got into the car and rushed to the city as fast as I could. I rushed upstairs and down the hall, and the first person I saw was my little friend, Dr. Adair. We had been just like brothers, all our lives. I knew when I looked at him that he had bad news. He said, "I'm afraid she's gone now." He covered his face and went into the little anteroom. I struggled to hold myself together; I pleaded, "Come, go in with me, Doe." "I can't," he answered, "she was just like a sister to me. I can't go back in there, Bill."

I started in alone, and he called a nurse to go in with me When I saw her I felt, too, that she was gone. The sheet was pulled up over her face. She was only a skeleton of her former self... so thin and pale... Oh, my! I took her in my arms and began to shake her. I cried, "Honey, answer me!... God, please let her speak to me once more." She was already crossing over the line... But suddenly she turned to look back at me. She opened those big, lovely, soft brown eyes. She started to raise her arms to receive me, but she was too weak; so I got down closer to her. I knew she wanted to tell me something. Friends, here is what she told me (in part). It will be in my memory until the day I meet her.

Hope Describes Paradise

She said, "I was almost home. Why did you call me?" I told her I didn't know I interrupted anything. She began telling me about the paradise I had called her from, how it looked... lovely trees and flowers, birds singing, not a pain in her body. For a moment I thought that perhaps I shouldn't have called her... (But, bless her heart... she's been enjoying that place a long time now.) She revived for a few moments and told me how she was being taken home by some angelic beings. She heard me way off in the distance calling. Friends, there is a land beyond the river, somewhere in the far beyond. Maybe millions of light years away, but it's there... and we're traveling that way.

Recalls Minor Incidents In Last Hours

She described how beautiful it was. She said, "Honey, you've preached of it, you've talked of it, but you can't know how glorious it is." She desired to go back. She studied a moment and then said, "There are two or three things I want you to know." I asked, "What's that?"

"Remember, Bill," she began, "one time you went to get a pair of stockings for me?" (I remembered the time. She had been getting dressed to go to Fort Wayne for a service that night and she needed a pair of hose. She told me to get some kind of "full size" or "full back" "rayons" or "chiffons" or something like that. I never could seem to remember anything about ladies' clothes, so I went down the street saying to myself, "Chiffon, chiffon, chiffon." Someone said, "Hello Bill."... I said, "Hello, chiffon, chiffon, chiffon." Then I met someone else who got to telling me how good the fish were biting, and I forgot what kind it was I was supposed to get. I was to get them at Penney's, but I knew a girl that worked at the dime store and I knew she could help me if I told her the situation. I rushed over there... (her name was Thelma Ford; she is a neighbor of mine now)... I said, "Thelma, I want to get a pair of socks for Hope." She laughed, "Oh, Hope doesn't wear socks, she wears stockings." "Well, a pair of stockings then." She asked, "What kind does she want?" "What kind do you have?" hoping she would call the name I was supposed to remember. She said, "Rayon, chiffon, etc." Well, unfortunately, she called the wrong one first, but it sounded like the right name to me so I said, "That's it!"

"You mean Hope wants rayon stockings?"

"That's what she said," I answered, so she began to wrap them. But when I went to pay for them I found that they only cost about 39 cents, so I bought two pairs,

When I got home to give them to her I began teasing her. (You know how men like to tease their wives about being bargain-hunters.) I told her I was the one that had found a bargain this time, and gave the stockings to her. She didn't say anything, but I thought she looked a little disappointed, and when she got to Fort Wayne I noticed that she bought some more. She was lady enough not to tell me about the mistake then, but she was thinking about little things like that in her dying hour.

Saves Money To Buy Rifle For Her Husband

Her life was slowly ebbing away, but she continued. "Remember the rifle you wanted to buy in Louisville and we couldn't afford it?" (How well I remembered... I've always been a hunter, and when I saw that particular rifle I thought how much I would like to have it.)

"Yes." I was trying to keep the tears out of her sight.

"I've been saving my nickels and dimes to buy it for you. Its just about over for me, but when you get home you'll find the money lying under a paper on top of the old sideboard."

You'll never know how I felt when I found that six or seven dollars she had been putting back all that time for that rifle. I bought it and still have it, and intend to keep it as long as I can, and then give it to my little boy.

Her Last Words

I recall that it was then she asked me not to live single, to get married to some good Christian girl who was filled with the Spirit of God and would take care of the children. I did not want to promise that, but I finally did to please her. A few minutes after that she said weakly, "Well, I'm going over now."

"Don't talk like that," I pleaded.

"I don't mind going now," she said, "since I saw how wonderful it is."

"Are you really going now, dear?" I asked tearfully.

"Yes." She looked into my eyes and said, "Will you promise me to always preach this wonderful Gospel?" I promised. She said, "Bill, God is going to use you." (Bless her heart... I've often wondered if God might not allow her to look down upon us as we go about from place to place in our ministry, trying to obey the calling she felt that God would send.)

She talked on, "You've been a good husband." A little nurse was standing near by, and she said to her, "I hope you might have as good a husband as I have had," Of course, that almost tore my heart out, but I knew I had to hold up for her sake. I tried to smile and said, "Honey, if you go well bury you out on Walnut Ridge until Jesus comes. And if I fall asleep before that time I'll probably be beside you." So I said, "If not, I'll be out on the battlefield somewhere." As the soft brown eyes were becoming dimmer I went on, "When you get up to the New Jerusalem... look for the east side of the gate and start calling my name... When you see Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Paul and Stephen and all of them coming up, I'll be there, Darling." She pulled me down to her and kissed me good-bye... Then she went to be with God.

Here I am... still struggling, working, trying hard to keep that promise.

Baby Is Reported Dying

After she had passed away, I started home to see about the babies. How desperately I sought some peace of mind. I went to my mother's... I went to our house, Hope's and mine, everywhere, nothing satisfied me. I couldn't rest. Many of you people know what I mean. That night I finally went to bed and tried to sleep. Somebody knocked on the door. I thought, "What can it be now?"... A voice called, "Billy, your baby is dying now."

I'll never forget the night when he came to tell me. I thought, "Oh, my! What's this?" when he knocked on the door. As if it weren't enough that I had lost my wife that day, the friend had come with the news that my baby girl was dying. When we got into his little pickup truck to go to the baby, I thought life was at its very end. How could these things be! When we arrived we found the baby very near death. Dr. Sam Adair had come and examined her. He told me that there was nothing that could be done that he knew of, but we rushed her to the hospital anyway. There a specialist from Louisville decided also that there was little hope. They took me to the hospital laboratory and showed me the germ from the baby's spine. She had spinal meningitis which she had contracted from her mother. There was no chance at all for her ever to be well. She would be dead very soon. I can't express with human lips how that tore me up. Everything else had gone wrong and then that was happening. It just goes to show that you never know what the future holds.

I then went to see my baby where the isolated cases were kept in the basement. I saw the little darling lying there. When I think of it now it just breaks my heart. It was summertime and the hospital personnel, being very busy, was not giving her the right care. As I walked in I looked at her and she tried to look at me. She was just big enough to be plump and sweet. The poor little thing had never come out of the spasm the meningitis had caused. One of her legs was drawn up and one of her arms was drawing. Her little leg moved up and down. Oh! Such a pitiful sight.

I knelt down by the bed and started praying. I cried "God, please don't take my baby." I knew I had made a bad mistake in not turning loose of everything and going out into evangelistic work. I believe that the gift was ready to be manifested then, but I had neglected going. I threw myself down and started praying and crying and asking God to spare her life. It seemed as if a dark curtain hung between and she was sinking. I raised up to look at her and said, "Sharon, don't you know daddy?" Truly I believe she knew I was there. It looked like she was trying to wave her little hand and her lips were quivering as though she were going to cry. it was tragic--the agony was so great that her little eyes crossed. Oh! When I see a cross-eyed child I think of that time--my baby's eyes crossing from such hard suffering. You that have children know how I felt.

Mother And Baby Buried Together

I prayed and laid hands upon her. But the angels came a little while later and took the little darling to be with her mother. I returned home, desolate and weary. Two days later we buried her in her mother's arms. I remember standing heartbroken and appalled by the grave. Brother Smith, the Methodist minister there in the city, preached the sermon for both. Oh! How I felt! It was unendurable. Somehow the leaves blowing on the trees reminded me of the old song:

There is a land beyond the river that they call the sweet forever,

And we only reach that shore by faith's decree.

One by one we reach the portal, there to dwell with the immortals,

When they ring those golden bells for you and me.

I know that some day the grave shall burst open, because there is an empty tomb in Jerusalem. I know that some day it shall be opened also because they believed in Jesus Christ their resurrected Redeemer.

A Man Sent From God - Page 64

I returned to work, trying to do all I could to pay off the big bills and debts I owed. I'll never forget one morning when I was reading a pole meter on highway 150 near New Albany. I was singing to myself, "On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross, the emblem of suffering and shame." The sun was shining brightly that morning and the pole cast a shadow on a hill in front of me. It was at such an angle that the crossbar and my own body hanging by its safety belt also formed the shadow.

There was the cross all over again!

Despondent And Despairing Over Death Of Loved Ones

I wanted to go and be with the family. Life on earth held nothing for me anymore. All that I had to live for was in the next world; without them my broken heart could not find the courage to keep up the struggle. But it was God's will, l guess, in holding His Gift... He had a plan and it must be worked out. I am sure it took every tragedy and deep sorrow that I had to go through to bring me to the place where He could use me. God knows what is best.

I shot down off the pole; perspiration was breaking out all over me; I was trembling. I just took off my spurs, quit and went home. I went into the house, desperately hoping for something that would take my mind off my grief. But what could an empty house do?... a house with everything still fixed just as she had left it. Everything I looked at reminded me of her. As I walked despondently around the house, my eyes fell on some mail that had come in. On one envelope I read these words: "Miss Sharon Rose Branham." My heart broke afresh. It was a letter from the bank and a small check that had been sent to my baby... Her little Christmas savings had been returned; I think it amounted to about $1.80. Oh my! I started crying and knelt down on the floor. I was so blue; everything seemed too hard to bear. While kneeling there, I thought, "Lord, if you don't help me, I don't know what I'll do!"

Falls Into Deep Sleep, Dreams Of Heaven

Suddenly I fell into an exhausted sleep... (this was a welcome relief). While I was sleeping, I dreamed that I was out in the West (I always loved the West); I was walking along with a pair of boots on and one of those big western hats. I passed by an old covered wagon; one of the wheels was broken, and I was whistling that song, "The Wheel of the Wagon is Broken." I was startled by the appearance of a beautiful young girl about 17 or 18 years old. She looked like an angel standing there dressed in white, her pretty blonde hair blowing, her blue eyes sparkling.

I said, "Good morning, Miss," and started to pass on by, but she said, "Hello, Daddy." I turned around in surprise and bewilderment and she repeated, "Hello, Daddy."

I said, "I beg your pardon... I am sorry, but I do not understand. How could I be your daddy? Why, you're almost as old as I am. There must be some mistake."

You just don't know where you are, Daddy'" she replied. "Down on earth I was your little Sharon."

I said, "Not you."

She said, "Yes, back there on earth I was your Sharon."

"But you were just a little baby," I said.

Then she reminded me, "Daddy, don't you remember your teaching on immortality?"

I said, "Yes, I remember my teaching on that. That is why you are here like this?"

"Daddy, where is Billy Paul?" she asked. (That's my little boy.)

I told her he had been with me just a little while ago.

She said, "Mothers looking for you, Daddy, so I'll just stay here and wait for Billy Paul to come along."

"Where is Mother?" I asked.

She said, "Look to your right, Dad," and I looked around to my right. Oh, it looked like shafts of glorious light shining over a mountain, beautiful mansions among green hills, flowers and trees. Tongue could never describe what I saw in that scene. Sharon pointed out one of the great homes to me and told me to go up there; that was my home and Mother was waiting there for me.

"My home?" I inquired, puzzled. "Why I never had a home."

"Well, Daddy, you have one now. Go along now, and I'll wait here for my brother."

Meets His Wife Again

I started up along a little path leading to the home; and when I got up to this lovely place, I saw my wife coming out to meet me, so beautifully dressed in white, her long dark hair flowing down her back. I can't put in words the feeling I had at seeing her again. I asked her to explain all this to me, I couldn't understand how it could be. We talked together as we always had, l remarking what a beautiful young lady our little girl had grown up to be, and she agreeing. But I just could not understand.

She said, "I know you can't understand this, because earthly things are not like these things here. This is heaven."

"But I don't understand about this beautiful home. Is it yours?"

"Yes," she replied, "it is our eternal home."

"But I do not understand why I should have the opportunity to be in a place like this."

She spoke kindly to me: "After all the many tasks and labors, and toils that You went through on earth, you have come home to rest now. Won't you sit down?"

I turned around to sit down and there was a big chair for me... a Morris chair. I looked at the chair, and I looked at Hope. She smiled and said, "I know what you're thinking."

Here's what it was: When we were first married, we didn't have any furniture or much of anything in our little house... except an old folding bed someone had given us, a stove I had paid about a dollar and a quarter for and then had to buy some grates for, an old leather duofold that was all worn out and had several holes in it, and one linoleum rug on the front room floor... But we enjoyed it and were happy together, for we had true love.

But one thing I had always wanted was a Morris chair. I worked hard all day and then would preach at night and come in late, and it seemed I would think of having a big Morris chair to come in and rest in. One day we decided we were able to buy one; so we went to town across the river and looked at some. The one we bought was a green one. I'll never forget it. It cost about fifteen dollars, I had to pay three dollars down and a dollar a week on it. Well, I stayed up on the payments until we had gotten about eight or ten dollars paid, and I couldn't make the payment. I missed two or three weeks because we just couldn't spare it. You all know just what that means when you can't make ends meet. One day I said to her, "Honey, you'll have to call them to come get the chair because it has already gone overdue two or three times; they have sent us a dun, and I can't make another payment on it now. You know we have to pay our other bills, so we'll just have to do without it." She said, "Well, I don't want to do that." So we kept it a day or two longer. Then I remember the night I came home from work, and it was gone. She was so sweet to me; and baked me a cherry pie and was doing everything she knew how to do to keep my mind off of it and help my feelings. I remember how that when I went into the room to sit down and it was gone that we both had to have a little cry. She was so sweet.

So standing there in my dream, she said, "I guess you remember all about our chair... Well this one will not be taken away from you... It's paid for. Sit down and rest."